What Do You Mean It's Not A Girl?
by Giantitis
Summary: The birth of Lily and James' first child comes with many unexpected surprises.


**Disclaimer: I sadly regret to inform you all that I don't own HP…on a happier note, I intended this piece of drabble to be a humorous account of the birth of Harry. However, the characters and plot had a mind of their own and it became a tad sentimental towards the end. That can happen sometimes…but I hope you enjoy reading it anyway. Regards, Giantitis.**

**What Do You Mean, "It's Not A Girl?"**

The Marauders were seated on a rather uncomfortable couch facing the delivery rooms of St Mungo's hospital. Lily had been experiencing rather close contractions so James, in a state of panic, had contacted his friends and demanded that they be there with him throughout the entire ordeal of his baby's birth. A much-disgruntled Sirius was yawning incessantly. He had been pulled away from a rather 'intimate' engagement and he wasn't happy about spending the better part of his weekend in a waiting room. James couldn't take the pressure. He got up and began pacing the floor.

"This is ridiculous! She hasn't even gone into labour yet and they're not telling us anything!" James huffed.

Sirius glared at James with red eyes, "What-do-you-mean she hasn't gone into labour yet!" he growled. "Do you mean to tell me that I gave up the most intimate evening of my life, not to mention with the most erotic woman I've ever met, to sit here watching you pace…AND THE BABY ISNT EVEN BEING BORN?"

"Yes! And you're going to sit there and you're going to be cooperative and supportive!" James replied, glaring back in return.

The doors to the delivery room opened and a pre-natal healer made her way towards James, who jumped at the sound of his name.

"Which of you is Mr Potter?" she asked quietly.

"I am." James squeaked. Remus got up and put his arm around his friend's shoulders, "Don't mind him, he's just a little bit on edge."

"Well it is certainly nice of you all to be here for your friend, he needs all the support he can get!" she smiled and then addressed James, "Mr Potter, my name is Andrea. Your wife's contractions have ceased, for now, and we believe it may have been a false alarm."

Sirius looked up, "A WHAT?"

Andrea continued, "We still think it may be good to keep her overnight, just in case."

James hadn't really taken in much and was still a little bit out-of-it, "So…the baby, she's still…you know…_in there_?"

Andrea laughed, "Yes Mr Potter, the baby's still 'in there'."

"She?" Remus and Sirius said in unison.

"Oh…yeah…forgot to tell you. Lily had a psychic healer look over the baby to make sure there were no deformities, and it turns out, it is missing a penis…apparently." James explained. "But I don't go in for that kind of thing, I think its all a load of bull-twang but Lily seems to be convinced that it's a girl."

Sirius got up off the couch and walked over to the others, "So, what are we supposed to do now? Do we have to wait here all night until Lily _actually_ goes into labour?" he asked James.

"Actually," Andrea piped up, "as there aren't many births on the ward this time of year, I have a few spare beds that I could lend out, if you like?"

"My dear," Sirius smiled, "you are a saint!" he kissed her on the head. "Lead the way!"

Andrea led the Marauders through the delivery room doors and veered left towards a darkened corridor. She turned to James, "Your wife has been put in room seven." Then she addressed the other two, "If you like, I can put you in the room across from them, so you can be close to your friends.

"That would be great. Thankyou for your trouble." said Remus.

"Oh it's no trouble at all!" she smiled.

Before Andrea left the corridor, James ran after her, "Listen, thankyou so much for this. It means the world to me that those two be here through everything and I promise they'll be on their best behaviour and-"

The healer stopped him, "It's fine really! Now, get some sleep…you'll need it! Trust me!" she laughed and walked off towards the doors they'd first entered.

James retreated to Lily's room and took a bed facing his wife. Watching her sleep, he was amazed at the mass of a belly that took up nearly one-third of his tiny wife.

Lily's scream awoke James around three am. He fumbled out of his sheets but fell off the bed in his haste. "What is it dear? Is it the baby?"

Lily was clutching her stomach, curled into a ball on her side. Tears were streaming down her face. "Argh! James! James…MAKE IT STOP!" she screamed.

"I don't think I can." he yelped. "But how bout I go get the healer?" James scrambled towards the door but was stopped by Lily's cry, "JAMES POTTER! DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME!"

Torn between his loyalty to his wife and his own safety he kept one leg inside the room and used his hands to bang on the door of the room where Sirius and Remus were sleeping.

"ALRIGHT! WE GET IT...GEEZ!" came Sirius' voice through the door.

Remus and Sirius emerged in under a minute discovering James standing in mid-splits with one foot in Lily's room and one foot in theirs.

At first glance it seemed to James that Sirius must have raided the wardrobe as he was wearing a green dressing gown with matching fluffy slippers bearing the St Mungo's logo.

"Right." said James.

"Hey! Stop looking at me like that!" said Sirius, "It's like a hotel; the shampoo and soap is put there deliberately…it's customary for you to use them!"

"Has Lily gone into labour?" Remus observed.

"Yes, could you guys give me a hand?"

"I'll go get Andrea. Sirius, you stay with James and Lily." Remus shot off in the direction of the healer's station, leaving a rather exasperated James with a disgruntled Sirius.

It only took Remus and Andrea one and a half minutes to arrive with a stretcher to take Lily to the delivery room. On their way down the ward Lily was still screaming, using Sirius and James' hands as supports.

Sirius turned to Remus as they entered the delivery room; "As soon as this baby's born, they're buying me a new hand and a new set of ears…if you'd been any longer I think my eardrums would have burst!"

Andrea moved over to James, "I think we can take it from here, thanks. You and your friends can stay here if you like but I'll have to ask you to sit on those chairs against the wall." She pointed to three chairs positioned next to the door, opposite the stirrups. Remus and Sirius only noticed when they sat down that they had front-row seats to a full view of the inside of James' wife.

James turned chalky-white as Lily began to push and the baby began emerging.

Sirius nudged Remus, "It's like watching your favourite toy being broken in front of

you!"

Remus chuckled under his breath.

Meanwhile, James' eyes were as wide as dinner plates. He rolled off his chair and hit the floor.

Remus looked down, "I think he fainted."

"You'd think the way he's behaving, that he was absent the day they gave us the birds and the bees talk!"

Sirius got off his chair and straddled James, "PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN!" he growled, slapping James' cheek.

James eyes rolled forwards and he gurgled an undecipherable response.

After a quarter of an hour of Lily screaming, and James had semi-recovered, Andrea asked James if he'd like to help deliver the baby.

Sirius and Remus helped James off his chair and he moved shakily forwards. Andrea put a pair of gloves on his hands and placed them around what looked like the beginnings of a head.

"Now when Lily pushes, I want you at the same time to gently pull the baby towards you." Andrea demonstrated with her hands.

"Ok." James squeaked.

"Now Lily, we've nearly got the head so I want you to do a big push." said Andrea.

"ARGH!" Lily screamed.

"Ok James, pull when she pushes." Andrea directed.

James pulled but what emerged didn't seem to resemble a head. "Ummm…I don't…"

Lily's head rose above her belly to face James, "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO JAMES JUST GET IT OUT OF ME…NOW!"

James continued pulling but stopped when he noticed something wasn't right.

"My baby has no face!" he looked as if he was about to cry.

Sirius giggled.

Andrea let go of Lily's hand and came over to investigate. "Ah, that would be because the baby is facing Lily's spine."

"But, isn't that wrong?" James began to panic, "I mean, isn't the head supposed to face me?"

Andrea looked James sternly in the eye, "Yes Mr Potter. This means that we are going to have to get the baby out quicker than planned. But you have to concentrate; we have to make sure the umbilical cord doesn't get wrapped around the baby's neck."

James was struggling to stand up. The life of his child was being placed in his hands.

Lily gave one huge push and James managed to pull out the baby's torso.

Andrea came around to see what was going on.

"Ok, now the baby should be all out on the next push."

James braced himself. Lily screamed and managed to heave out one last push.

James reached his hands in and turned the baby as he pulled the leg and feet out in one last shot.

"James." someone was tapping his cheek.

James' eyes began to open slowly. His head was screaming, but around him was silence. His eyes took a while to adjust to the morning light, but he managed to sit up.

"What's going on?" he asked. "Where's the baby? Is Lily alright?"

Sirius put his arm around James, "You were out cold, mate."

"I was?" James couldn't remember fainting.

"Yeah, you got the whole baby out and then flop! Luckily Moony here grabbed the bub before you fell down."

James looked around the room searching for Lily. "Where is she?" he tried to get off the bed.

"Relax mate." Remus was standing next to the door. "She's in the next room. You can come in and see her if you like."

James didn't need to be told twice, he leaped off the bed and shot towards Lily's room.

Lily smiled as he came in, "Hi." her voice was a lot sweeter and softer than it had been a few hours ago.

James crept towards the bed. Seeing his wife he beamed.

"Do you want a hold?" Lily asked.

James gushed, "Ummm…" Lily pushed the baby into his arms before he had a chance to finish.

James looked down at the little bundle in his arms. It seemed unbelievable that something so small could cause so much physical pain.

Then again, it was _his_ child.

Sirius and Remus had followed James in and were standing next to the bed talking to Lily.

"So," said Remus, "what are you going to call him?"

"I think Harry, after James' father," she replied.

Sirius smiled, "Yeah, I think he suits Harry."

James looked up, "Hang on! Did you just say 'he'?"

Lily laughed, "Yes James, it turns out that Harry is not a girl."

James mouth dropped, "What do you mean it's not a girl? You made me paint her room hot pink! Her entire wardrobe is pink!"

"That's easily fixed!" said Lily, "I'm sure I wasn't the only woman to give birth this year, plenty of our friends are expecting girls."

"But the psychic lady told us that it was definitely a girl!"

"Take a look for yourself James if you don't believe us!" urged Lily. "Anyway, I thought you said that you didn't believe in that stuff, that it was all bull-twang." she mocked.

Sirius and Remus chuckled at their friend's utter helplessness.

As if to double check, James opened the nappy that the healer's had dressed the baby in after the birth. Yep, there it was, the first indication of man-hood, apart from the fact that the baby resembled James in almost every possible way. He even had a mane of thick untidy black hair. He was definitely James' son!

"So?" asked Lily, "Are you convinced?"

As James looked at his son, baby Harry reached up with his tiny hands and touched his dad's lips. James gave Harry his little finger, with which the little tucker grabbed and held on for dear life. Harry then gazed up at James with wide green eyes, causing James to smile.

"Well, the eyes are deceiving." he said mockingly.

The four companions laughed together and to their surprise, baby Harry even found the statement amusing.

**A/N Awww, too cute! James is always so hopeless when he's caught off guard. I imagine that the birth would have gone something like this but I do apologise if it was too mushy.**


End file.
